


Sunshine on my Windowsill

by RhymeReason



Series: Becky writes vent pieces using Haikyuu!! characters [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Cutting, Depression, M/M, Self Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-25
Updated: 2015-02-25
Packaged: 2018-03-15 00:47:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3431846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RhymeReason/pseuds/RhymeReason
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hinata didnt mean to cut that deep, but it just kind of happened (Trigger Warning: Cutting, depression, maybe suicide(?))</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sunshine on my Windowsill

**Author's Note:**

> this is just a vent fic but im kinda proud of how it turned out so yeah enjoy i guess?? be careful reading, i dont want any of you to get triggered or anything

Hinata always changed his clothes quickly, all while spewing some nonsense about whatever his topic of the day was. People would zone him out mostly,not noticing what he was saying. That was okay, that was exactly how Hinata wanted it.

No one would be able to see the scars lacing his hips that way.

It's not that Hinata didn't want his friends to know, know about the meds and the anxiety and depression, he just couldn't tell them. That conversation was not one

he could have with them, not now, probably not ever. He would probably never tell any of them, not even Kageyama but one day things went a little too far.

Hinata got dressed faster the usual and hurried home, riding recklessly and quickly. He wanted to be home, away from school. It stressed him out too much. Even practice stressed him out, but it had been doing that a lot lately. He loved the team but anxiety does that to a person. Makes everything a chore. And depression on top of that only made it worst. Hinata had left in such a hurry that he didn't even remember his phone, leaving it on the locker room bench.  
Arriving home, Hinata wasn't surprised to find the house empty. Mom and Natsu had went to spend the week with his grandmother and Dad was on a business trip. Hinata was alone.  
Hinata dropped his stuff in the living room and hurried into the bathroom, digging through the cabinets until he found it, stashed away deep in the back of the cabinet under the sink.  
A box of razors  
It had been a while since he used them but they were still sharper than hell. Perfect.  
Hinata shimmed out of his pants, exposing his hips and the tops of his thighs. He carefully folded them and put them to the side before starting what he meant to do.  
First cut,shallow  
Second cut,shallow  
Third cut, deep  
It was his usual rhythm, a scheduled one. Even after nearly a month of not doing this, the rhythm was still there. It would probably never go away.  
Suddenly there was a noise. A knock, a loud one and the last thing Hinata was expecting. His hand twitched and suddenly he straight line went jagged, his shallow cut going deep, much deeper than he had ever cut before, and long, straight down the side of his thigh.

"Shitshitshitshit!" he said quietly. He threw the razor back in the box and shoved it under the counter. He would have to worry about cleaning it later.  
"Hinata?" He heard someone call from outside his house, the voice accompanied by another loud knock. Kageyama.  
Hinata grabbed some toilet paper and pressed it hard against the cuts, hoping to make them stop bleeding faster. It didn't work. He put more toilet paper over it and pulled on his pants. "Coming!" He shouted. He walked slowly, trying not to mess up the toilet paper sticking to his leg. He finally opened the door and pushed a expression of fake confusion on his face. "Kageyama?"  
The setter held up Hinatas phone, a look of 'are-you-serious-right-now' across his face. "You left your phone at the school, dumbass."  
Hinata winced. Black spots danced across his eyes and his head felt light. "Oh yeah." He said softly.  
Kageyama looked at him, his dark eyes narrowing in a way that made it seem like he might actually be worried about Hinata. "What's wrong with you?"  
"Nothing." Hinata said, obviously lying through his teeth. He swayed, his balance seemingly gone. He felt woozy.  
Suddenly Kageyamas eyes weren't looking at Hinatas face, but lower. At his pants.  
"Hinata......" Kageyama trailed off. He swallowed. "Is that blood?"  
"Idunno." Hinata slumped forward, into Kageyamas arms, the world going black quickly.  
The last thing he heard was Kageyama saying, "Oh god Hinata, what have you done?"  
  
-x-  
  
There were lots dim lights and low noises when Hinata woke up. He could hear beeping and the gentle sound of someone's even breaths beside him. He could feel someone holding one of his hands.  
He opened his eyes slowly and looked around him. It was a hospital room. A really nice one to be exact. There were flowers on a nearby table, the bright red of the poppies dim looking in the limited light.  
Hinata moved his head slowly and took in the sight that was the calm breathing beside him.  
Kageyama Tobio was sitting in a chair, draped over the side of Hinatas hospital bed, holding Hinatas hand tightly,fast asleep.   
Suddenly the events of before came rushing back, throwing Hinata through a loop. He remembered getting home, cutting, Kageyama showing up and passing out soon after.  
There was a lump forming in Hinatas throat. He must have made Kageyama so worried, so upset. Hinata was a horrible best friend. He clenched his hands and gave out a single short sob.  
Kageyama stirred. His head came up and his hand loosened. He looked weary and tired but something about his expression changed when he was Hinata staring back at him.  
First Hinata thought it was anger but it wasn't.  
Kageyama lunged forward and Hinata flinched back, almost expecting Kageyama to hit him, but that wasn't it. Kageyama was....... Hugging him.  
"God!" Kageyama shouted, clutching at Hinata tightly."Oh my god Hinata, you're okay what the fuck oh my god you had me so fucking worried, you stupid, idiotic, shitty piece of trash! What the fuck were you thinking?"  
Hinata sobbed. He didn't mean to at all, but it just came out. "Imsorryimsorryimsorry" He hugged Kageyama tighter and sobbed into his shoulder, and everything just came spilling out.

He talked about everything. How most of his happiness wasn't exactly fake but it was never fully there, how depression hit him hard over the summer and how no matter what pills he took, how many therapists his parents took him to, he never felt any better. He talked about cutting and how he didn't mean to cut that deep and that much it just happened and how shitty he felt about it, about everything.

He just kept talking and for once in his life, Kageyama didn't interrupt Hinata to call him a dumbass or any other mean name. He just listened.

Eventually Hinata ran out of things to say and they fell into silence. It was a long while before Kageyama spoke, but he did.

The dark haired boy broke the hug and took off the hoodie he was wearing and shed his undershirt, exposing his bare chest.

He turned around and that's when Hinata saw them. Arching scars that stretched all around Kageyamas shoulders and onto his upper arms in some places. They weren't neat and orderly like Hinata tried to make his. They were jagged and choppy, going everywhere. They didn't look old exactly but they certainly weren't new. They looked healed.

Kageyama turned back around and pulled his shirt back on. He looked Hinata straight in the eyes and said something that Hinata would remember forever.

"I'm sorry."

Hinata was taken aback. That wasn't quite the response he was expecting to get from the rude and harsh setter.

"Why?" Hinata asked. "It's not your fault."

"I should have noticed." Kageyama said softly.

Hinata gave a bitter laugh. "How could you? I acted happy."

"Just let me feel bad and guilty you little ass!" Kageyama growled.

"Fine!" Hinata huffed, crossing his arms." You are really rude though."

"Don't care."

Hinata rolled his eyes. Everything about this felt normal, not like he was in a hospital bed after gashing his leg open with a razor blade, more like the type of banter he and Kageyama would have during practice. It was almost....nice.

Suddenly Kageyama sobered again. "Tell me next time."

Hinata frowned. "Why?"

"So I can talk you out of it shit for brains!" He took a breath. “There are other ways to express the need to cut without actually cutting.”

Hinata stared at him. Kageyama stared back cooly. Hinata could see every intention in his eyes, the want to protect and to care. It was shocking. Today Hinata had seen Kageyama show more emotion than he ever thought possible. And that is what prompted his answer.

"Okay." He said quietly. "Okay."

Kageyama nodded. He reached out and touched Hinatas head. "Go to sleep. You need rest."

Hinata nodded. He hadn't realized it before but he felt tired. His eyelids were drooping and he yawned. He slumped down onto the hospital bed and closed his eyes. Again, the last thing he heard was Kageyama talking.

"I'll be here when you get up."


End file.
